Hi Friends,
Since these two Ripples are closely related, we are still transitioning from Affectionately Yours, which about marriage, to Balanced Parenting, which is obviously about parenting. So this week, here is “THE Talk” from a Biblical point of view. Listen to this lovely verse:
“Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me.” Song of Solomon 3:4 ESV
God created sex. There is no need to blush here, my Friends. Making Love is supposed to be a beautiful, sacred, connecting, fulfilling union between husband and wife, which truly makes them one. Just think about the way the two different bodies come together as a godly puzzle, as they embrace one another in this holy marriage. My point is, sex is supposed to be this magnificent, mutually pleasurable engagement of these two beings that have committed to being together “till death does us part.” While sex is not meant to be the center of this relationship, it can be the pinnacle of it as it is from this lovely fusion that other individuals come into being. Our love for one another physically manifests in the creation of another human…how amazing is that? Sex is as beautiful as our lovely Lord…but have we allowed the enemy to make it dirty, embarrassing or even sinful? This was never God’s intent. Never!
Sex has many purposes. Yes, sex is meant for procreation. There would be no humans on this planet if not for this essential activity. And yes, it is also meant to give us pleasure…after all, God knows who He created, right? If Making Love was not pleasurable, I think humanity would have ended with Cain! All kidding aside, God loves us, so He wants us to enjoy every relationship, especially this most private and deep one, and so our Gracious God has fashioned this to take us out of ourselves, as it lifts us up into euphoria. Making Love is supposed to be mutually beneficial and gratifying…and if the husband is more concerned about the wife’s fulfillment, and the wife is more concerned about the husband’s fulfillment, then why wouldn’t it be, right? I will pause a moment to let that sink in…. Yep, sex is meant to keep humanity going and to give us great delight, but I have already mentioned the most important reason, and that is to unify husband and wife as one. As we fall deeper in love with one another, this involves our heart or spirit here, and as we learn to display this love by following those 4 C’s of a healthy marriage that involves our soul (our mind, emotions and will), the last part of us is our bodies, thus God created Making Love. And since I am teaching from the Bible, let me emphasize this is supposed to be the last part of our being that joins together! Don’t we humans do everything backwards?! If we do not take the time to get to know each other spiritually and soulfully, the physical can get old really fast. It is an empty activity, instead of the uniting experience God had in mind. Could this be why people have such a hard time “finding the right one”? And maybe too why the divorce rate is over 50% in and out of the church? Listen Singles, take your time. Pray about your spouse, my Friends. And trust in God’s Plan for every part of your life, including this most intimate and personal venture. And the truth is, after we are married, if our hearts and souls are not in synch, our children can sense it.
Parents must be THE role model. It is important for parents to model proper affection in front of our children. While Making Love obviously must stay between Dad and Mom, affection should spill over into the rest of the house. Watching Dad sweetly caress Mom’s cheek or hearing Mom compliment Dad, are all things our children need to witness. Even if they say things like, “Oh, yuck Mom!”, they are watching and absorbing godly ways from us, to then show affection to their potential future spouse…or not. This is why it is vital each parent learn and then follow God’s Plan for marriages. Our children are learning what is right vs what is wrong from us. Instead of allowing this broken, fallen world to teach them, we parents are supposed to teach our children how to treat a mate and how to allow a mate to treat them. Again, let’s be mindful about what we are modeling, so when they begin to seek and find a mate, they can love the way God designed love to be. Children need to see Dad purposely looking for ways to speak Mom’s love languages, and vice versa…I point you to a great book called “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” written by Gary Chapman. (link below if you want to buy it, I get no compensation for this.) Also below is a chart with the five love languages taught in this helpful book and some of my examples. Learning what they are, and then actually implementing ways to speak these love languages, can teach our children how to have healthy and fulfilling marriages for themselves one day…and it will deepen our marriage, giving it a firm foundation to withstand anything life may bring.
The enemy perverts every lovely thing God has created. What God created to be good and unifying, the enemy tries to twist into something filthy and selfish. One last vital point: there is a huge difference between love and lust…love always gives, while lust always tries to take. Lust is focused on getting its own pleasure. Its focus is not on any relationship, but only on the physical gratification. Since God created the sexual experience, only God gets to say what is a healthy way to experience it. Godly sex is between a husband and wife in holy matrimony committed to one another for all life. Anything else is adultery or sexual impurity in God’s eyes, my Friends. Whether that is sex before marriage, sex with another married person that you are not married to, or pornography, these are some of the enemy’s distortions of what God meant to be lovely. This includes what I call “light pornography” too. These are those romance novels or movies that we women especially love to engage in, but my Sisters anything that makes you think of your spouse in lesser terms can be damaging to the marriage. Pornography can kill a marriage. Let all your dreams revolve around your spouse, not some make believe, unreal human, in some foolish handcrafted situation that would never happen in real life. Lastly of course, sexual immorality includes the very sensitive topic of homosexuality. Listen to me, God loves everyone, but He doesn’t love everything we do. He knows no human is perfect, yet He desires us to learn from Him, and continue to grow to trust His Way and follow in His Plan for our life. This includes being sexually pure and teaching our children about that too. When we choose our own path instead of trusting God’s Plan, we are only opening doors to pain, suffering and death. Even if we are born again, we will experience the symptoms of death like depression, frustration, anger, anxiety, rejection, humiliation…you name it. Following God’s Way, in God’s Timing, is the only road to the Abundant Life filled to the overflow with peace, joy and righteousness in the Holy Spirit.
A lifetime of learning. There is so much to learn about having and sustaining a healthy marriage, which can turn into having and raising godly children, that it should take us our whole life to learn these important Ripples. And so I remain a devoted student, trying to learn how to love my husband better and better, as well as be a proper model of love to my son. Sadly, I still fail way too many times, but when I get it right…that is when WE, Joe and I, get it right, oh how awesome it is to be married and how fulfilling to teach our son God’s Way about it! Want that too? Then won’t you join me?
Until we meet again, keep lifting your eyes to God, He’s closer than you think.
<>< Peace, Diane
May these resources be a blessing to you,
your marriage and your parenting. Amen.
(I am not compensated by this link, but I do recommend the book)
“The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages
| Love Language | Display | Examples |
| Words of Affirmation | Encourage, appreciate, empathize, listen, compliment | Say things to point to their good qualities, send notes to lift them up, just say thank you or you are important to me |
| Physical Touch | Non-verbal, physical affection, use of body language and touch to express love | Scratch his back, caress her cheek, holding hands & lots of hugs and kisses |
| Receiving Gifts | Paying attention and desiring to bless spouse with things they enjoy, shows you are thinking of them and know what what they like | Thoughtful gifts, can be either material like a new outfit, or an experience like going on a picnic or a concert |
| Quality Time | Focused and undistracted conversation, spending time just being together one on one, making special moments on purpose | Weekend trips just the two of you, walking on the beach talking about your dreams of the future |
| Acts of Service | Doing physical tasks that show you care, this can be doing something together or doing something for the other spouse | Cleaning the house or taking care of the lawn together, painting that old dresser she has wanted to reuse, taking out the garbage without being asked, making breakfast in bed for him after a hard work week |
