This week’s reading: Matthew 19:1-15
Hi Friends,
This week’s reading is really a huge challenge, especially for this current culture that continues to seek its own reality instead of listening to, and following God’s prescribed design for marriage. I am going to only lightly touch on some verses that clearly point to God’s design, but then we will spend the rest of the time talking about ways to have healthy marriages. We are in the Gospel of Matthew chapter 19, verses 1 through 15. I present you with God’s Word, as spoken by Jesus, about the only two genders He created and the only acceptable form of marriage:
“‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.’” Mt 19: 4-6 NIV
God’s Order. It breaks my heart, so I cannot even imagine what it does to God’s, how confused and lost our society is getting, especially when it comes to fundamental things like our gender and what is a proper marriage. Not one of us is without flaws and weaknesses. At The Downfall, each human inherited their own individual set of vices, challenges and immorality. Each of these spring from that fallen nature that I called MMI mentality, which is founded on Pride. When we live according to these imperfections, they always lead to sin, which separates us from God and His Holy Will for our lives, as well as for Humanity as a whole. Separated from God Who is Life, death is our only option, and so, we fall further into this sinful Pride which causes us to believe that we each get to make up our own reality. But this is not our world. It belongs to God, not us. As Jesus says, God is the Creator and everything and everyone belong to Him, whether we admit it or not. If we end our lives still denying God’s Sovereign Lordship over us, then we remain in that fallen sinful nature, and we will continue in death for all eternity. But if we are moved by God, if we humble ourselves and surrender to Him as our Savior, then we receive the Holy Spirit and Life Everlasting. (see Jn 3:16) The sad news is that way too many, in and out of Church, are refusing to acknowledge that God is the King and only He gets to say what our reality should be. This doesn’t mean we all will not struggle with our weaknesses, even after we do surrender. But it does mean we at the minimum will admit, that is confess, that we are sinful and cannot live apart from Him. For those who refuse, things like having more than the two genders which Jesus clearly points out in verse 4 above, or that men can marry men and women can marry women, which Jesus rebukes in verse 5 above, these sinful things seem right, normal, and worse, a cause to be celebrated. But sadly, this is what we would expect from a fallen world. The really troubling part is when the “church” bows down to these ungodly agendas and joins the world’s sinfulness, instead of standing our ground and uplifting God’s Word, whether it is popular or not. I have received, and am sure will continue to receive, all sorts of flack for following the Bible. The issue is, no other human is responsible for my eternity other than Jesus, so I am going to follow Him, even if that makes me an enemy of those around me. I will stand on God’s Word and follow Him as closely as humanly possible because, listen to what God says through St Paul: “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (2Co 5:10) And also “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” (Ro 14:12) I would rather make every human angry with me, than to disappoint and break the heart of my God and Savior. Decide for yourselves who you will follow.
Divorce. Wow, that’s not a simple and popular topic to talk about either, is it? But here it is, right here in the Gospel of Matthew. Just like Jesus defined human sexuality and godly marriage, so too He gives God’s original prescription for how a marriage is supposed to stay intact. Just like death, divorce was never part of God’s original Plan for Humanity. Since God is Life and Love, His design for us, in all our relationships, was to center on life and love. Any time their is separation in any relationship, especially a marriage where the two become one, it is the same as death. As a matter of fact, many divorcees actually grieve after being separated from their spouse because they were one, and now are being torn apart again into two beings. Divorce is the reversal of marriage, of course, and it has lasting ramifications, even if the former spouses seem to “move on.” So let me quickly discuss what the Bible says about divorce and why it is such a heartbreaking problem, but then we are going to turn our focus to marriages. Since divorce is a problem, I would rather talk about God’s solution, healthy marriages, so that we can avoid the problem of divorce altogether.
Symbolism of marriage. I have talked about this before but “marriages” are symbolic for our relationship with God. St Paul talks about this in the Book of Ephesians chapter 5 when he is exploring the proper order in a marriage, and the roles of both husband and wife. Just as Jesus loves the Church, His Bride, so also men are to love their wives selflessly, giving himself up for her. And just like we followers of Christ are to submit to and respect Him above all others, so also wives are to act in the same humble way towards their husbands. The husband is to love the wife and the wife is to respect her husband. Yet, the concept of marriage is not just about humans, but about us becoming one with our God. Think of it: two completely different beings coming together and becoming one. This is true of human marriages, and it holds true for our union with God too. It was God’s original design for humans to be united with Him, for all time. Sadly, we humans chose another path. Because of their disobedience, Adam and Eve caused all humans to be separated from God. Or in other words, we were divorced from God. In essence, we cheated on our Heavenly Husband because we chose to follow, or to give ourselves, to someone else other than God. We all have become adulterers, and according to Jesus, infidelity and abandonment are the only legitimate reasons for divorce. No longer able to live in complete union with our Creator, we lost sight of our identity, and have had to learn the hard way WHO we are. Apart from Christ, we are a sinner doomed to eternal death. Ahh, but God has made The Way for us to be reunited with Him, because God so loved the world. (Jn 3:16 again) When we surrender to the Love Jesus displayed on that Cross, we become married to Him once again. Now united with Jesus, in the Holy Spirit, we will be His forevermore, hallelujah! The divorce is reversed by God’s Grace. Now our marriage will never be torn apart. Praise God!
Getting God’s approval. The first issue with healthy marriages, is whether we should marry the person we are dating or not. Back in the days of the Bible, many marriages were arranged…but here’s the truth, God still arranges marriages today. As I look back on my own life, I can clearly see God’s hand in bringing Joe to me, and me to Joe. As they say, it really was a match made in Heaven. This, of course, doesn’t mean we have not had, and continue to have, some struggles. But since, by God’s Grace, our marriage is founded on love, we have survived through so many battles, and again by God’s Grace, we are still thriving in our relationship. The more Joe and I, both individually and together, learn the Word of God and lean on Him to follow it, the stronger our relationship and love gets. I do recognize and praise God for this, because I certainly was not seeking God’s approval for marrying Joe. I wasn’t born again, and back then would have thought the idea of asking God if Joe was “the one” was absurd. But again by God’s Grace, I knew in my heart Joe was my lifelong mate, that I had been seeking for quite some time. Yes, I thank God He still arranges marriages. But for those of us now in Christ, the issue is whether we are seeking His guidance in who we are to marry or not…and even IF we should marry or not. Once again, our old MMI Prideful Person causes us difficulties. We want who we want and we don’t want to hear from anyone, especially God, that we cannot have that person. And so we go head first into a relationship God never desired, nor designed us to be in…and divorce may be the sad result. So number one, for a healthy marriage: get God’s approval BEFORE you get married.
MMI mentality. The second issue is immaturity. Way too many people, including myself of course, go into a marriage still thinking and acting like the whole world revolves around “ME”! That is not the case… ever… but certainly not in a marriage. The Bible says the man will leave his parents and becomes one with his wife. One. The moment we are even seriously thinking about marriage, we need to leave behind any thought that we are our own person anymore. Our lives now should revolve around our spouse, and vice versa. We do not continue to date others after we are married, right? Well, we should not leave our spouse out of anything else in our lives either. We must become one. This means in all parts of our lives. Sure we should spend some time apart, we all need our space, but always with the approval of the other spouse. A husband is not to “go out with the boys” unless the wife gives her blessings. The wife is not to “hang out with her girls” unless the husband gives her the thumbs up. We consult one another and do not make a move without the other one’s knowledge and consent. This idea that I am still an autonomous being after marriage is not only immature, it is deadly… and divorce may be the sad result. So number two, for a healthy marriage: grow up! You no longer belong to yourself. Do all you can to humbly become one with your spouse.
Abide by your roles. As I mentioned above, each spouse has their part to play in a marriage. If these roles are confused, then problems can arise. This is God’s Plan: the husband’s job is to protect, provide and lead the family. The wife is to comfort, teach, and nurture the children, as well as counsel, encourage and lift up her husband. I know this is not popular in the “woman power” world we live in, but I am not concerned with what is trendy. I am concerned with what works…and God’s prescription always works. This doesn’t mean it is easy…if it were easy then there would not be any such thing as divorce. Sadly both husbands and wives continue to be fallible, both in and out of the Church. There are men who will completely take advantage of women who are trying to follow God’s Word and be submissive to them. But there are also women who try to emasculate their husbands, so they can be the boss of the house. This was never God’s desire or design. We only have to go into the Garden of Eden to see how the disorder began. Adam was supposed to be the head of the household. Again that means he was supposed to lead and protect and provide for Eve. She in turn was supposed to be his partner, helping him be the man God created him to be, that is to be the head of the household. She was supposed to be his helper, just like the Holy Spirit is now the Helper of every believer. (Jn 14:26) What an honor to be given the same title as the Holy Spirit, right? Eve was supposed to support, encourage, counsel, comfort and so on, just like the Holy Spirit does for the follower of Christ. She was not to make any decision apart from him…and he was not supposed to make any decisions apart from her. He was to listen to his wife, then take it back to God, Who is THE HEAD of the Forever Family, before making the final choice. So when Eve was talking to the serpent, and not consulting with Adam…who was right there beside her btw…if things had been going according to God’s prescription, something within Adam should have stopped the whole thing in its tracks. But he did not do his job and she did not do hers either. She listened to the serpent, instead of her husband, and he listened to his wife, instead of God…and down came the house of cards! Do our marriages go astray because we are not following God’s Order too? If so then divorce may be the sad result. So number three, for a healthy marriage: learn your role and seek God’s help in order to live it out.
Order, not value. I have said this hundreds of times and I will say it again: this is NOT a matter of value. Both man and woman have equal value to God and are equally important in the marriage. This is, however, a matter of order. Can two people sit in the driver’s seat and get anywhere at all? No! One must drive, while the other can help navigate. This is how it is when Joe and I travel anywhere in our car, and it has become the way we act in our marriage too. Joe leads with my helpful and encouraging navigation. And we always get to where we are getting safe and sound, with hardly any problems. I can almost pinpoint when we do have problems though. Just like Adam and Eve, one of us has stepped out of our role and tried to take on the other spouses part. Of course, the culprit is always that MMI Pride coming out. This is why we must have mercy on one another. We are still growing out of that old mentality, into this beautiful new design of becoming one. This requires lots and lots of humility and making sure our marriage is founded on godly love. This is a process, but when we are in this process as one? It leads to a wonderful marriage! But if one spouse thinks they are more worthy than the other, then divorce may be the sad result. So number four, for a healthy marriage: understand that you are valued and love by God, equally, and treat your spouse with that same worth.
Better not to marry. Singleness means to remain unmarried, without sexual sin. I am just full of controversial concepts today, aren’t I? So here is another: sex is meant only for a man and woman in a married, and so, committed relationship. Any sex outside of marriage is fornication, or sexual immorality, which is a sin. So when we are talking about being single, we are also talking about being celibate. Yeah, I know this is another foreign concept for the culture we live in, but this is God’s prescription, and so I dispense it here for you. As Jesus says, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.” (Mt 19:11) Jesus then goes into a talk about some who should remain unmarried. Here is the symbolism for us: 1- born a eunuch, this is someone, from birth, who never wanted to get married. 2- Made a eunuch by man, this is someone who had really horrible experiences of being married and now just doesn’t want to get married ever again. 3- Renounced marriage because of the Kingdom of Heaven, this person has chosen to stay unmarried in order to serve God directly, such as with godly Priests and Nuns, or other examples are our own Lord Jesus and St Paul. These three types of people are anointed into singleness. That is, they do not have to struggle with the idea of not being married. It helps, of course, to immerse oneself in the work of God, and have Him be their Spiritual Spouse. If someone does struggle with the desire to be in a loving relationship, as well as being sexually active, then they should seek a godly marriage by following these ideas for a healthy marriage: 1- getting God’s approval, 2- being mature enough to know it is not about them, but about becoming one with their potential spouse, 3- knowing their role in the union and choosing to abide by them, 4- understanding each spouse has equal value and importance in the marriage, and 5- discerning whether God has given them a gift of singleness or not.
One last thing, we see once again Jesus giving little children worth and attention. One of the major reasons for marriage, of course, is to have children, to continue to “be fruitful and multiply,” as God commanded. (Gen 1:28; 9:7) This is another important justification for having a healthy marriage. We are bringing other humans into this world and, if we do not seek to have the most godly union with our spouse that we can have, then we place our children already at a disadvantage. Our children will be affected, and infected, by an unhealthy marriage. But the same holds true if we seek a healthy marriage! “Stay together for the kids,” we hear this often in troubled marriages. If both spouses are willing to deny themselves, pick up their crosses and follow Jesus, then perhaps this is a good thing. (Mt 16:24) But if each spouse still wants to have things their way, if each spouse will not deal with their weaknesses humbly and earnestly, if each spouse refuses to follow God’s prescription for what a healthy marriage should look like, then divorce might be better for the children than staying together. This requires lots, and lots of prayer, my Friends. Divorce should never be entered into lightly. Also, please understand, if one spouse is being abused, God is not saying you have no choice but to tough it out. Divorce. It was not part of God’s original plan, yet sin and selfishness came into this world and into our hearts, and the only true cure for this illness is Jesus. Only He can take away our sin. Only He can transform us into His likeness, so that we will love God with all we’ve got, and love our neighbor, this includes our spouse, more than we love ourselves. Below are two very good references on this tough topic from “Got Questions? ministry.” May you, like I continue to learn to do, humbly bring all situations to God, willing to be the one who changes as God directs. I know every time I work with God to alter my own behavior, not only does my life get more fulfilling, but also my marriage. Want that? Then won’t you join me?
For more information on this topic, please check out these two resources:
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-abuse.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/grounds-for-divorce.html
Until we meet again, keep lifting your eyes to God, He’s closer than you think.
<>< Peace, Diane
