If you are not familiar with the Book of Job, just go read the first two chapters to hear what this righteous man went through. Understandably, Job was in great pain of heart, mind and body…and in walks his three friends. At first, they got it right, they just sat with Job and let him grieve. But when Job tries to relieve his heart’s burdens to them, they go on the attack instead of just sitting there with him and allowing him to vent out his pain. They begin to accuse him of things he did not do, as well as give him some generic placates to convince him that he was not seeing things right. Of course, Job was struggling! His heart was breaking!
So lesson number one: when you are with someone who just lost a loved one, don’t try to placate them with things they already know…if they are a Christian, they already know their loved one is “in a better place” or that they are “no longer suffering.” These are NOT what a hurting person needs to hear. As a matter of fact, they don’t need to “hear” anything. They just need your presence.
When my daughter, Rebecca, passed away, the one person who helped me grieve the best was my 10 year old son, Joshua. When I cried, he would just sit next to me, put his little hand on my shoulder and lower his head in silent compassion. I know I have failed in this regard too…our fallen nature feels awkward with the sorrow and we try to “make it better,” but we can’t.
The application is obvious: next time you find yourself with someone who has just lost a loved one or gone through some very difficult situation, just be there for them without trying to “fix” things. What they need is to know they are not alone, that not only is God with them, but He has surrounded them with loving friends too.
Lesson one: in the presence of great heartbreak, keep silent & just be present with your friend
<>< Peace, Diane
