Hi Friends,
We were created for relationships by a God Who is all about relationships. The whole purpose for us being transformed into the likeness of Jesus, is so we can have healthy and holy relationships with God, as well as with others. We have already talked about our relationships with God, our spouse and our children, so today let’s turn our eyes to Dad and Mom. Listen to God’s Command:
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Ex 20:12 NIV
God’s Order of relationships. As we have talked about before here, if you are married and have children, then this is God’s Order for our relationships: God, spouse, then children. Note that our parents are not yet on this list. The married life must come before our parents. As the Bible teaches, a man, and I would also add the woman, is supposed to leave their parents and become one with each other. (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:5) We simply cannot do this if we are placing our parents in the middle of this “becoming one” process. When either spouse places their parents ahead of the marriage, problems are sure to come. This is also true when our parents try to control how we raise our children. If we have been blessed with loving parents, we for sure should ask for their counsel and advise, but we are to retain full control on any final decisions of how to bring them up, not our parents. This leaving our parents and starting a “new life” with our spouse while raising our children together as one, can be a challenging part of a marriage, yet it is God’s Order. Life always, and only, begins to go smoother as we follow God’s Plan, instead of holding on to the old way of doing things. We must be free from the authority of our parents, but could, and should, still choose to be influenced by their godly wisdom. The point though is, the marriage and child rearing must be a priority in our lives.
Putting our marriage and parenting first. Remember, this order does NOT talk about value or importance. Like God, we should learn that everyone is worthy of our time, talent and treasures, especially the parents God has given us. It simply speaks to the flow of life. Now having said all that, God’s Order of relationships does not give us an excuse to ignore our parents. So let’s expand His Order: God, spouse, children, then our parents. They are certainly on the list, but not at the expense of the other three more central relationships. So what am I saying here? Well, what I am NOT saying is that, if our parents have any type of crisis, they are just going to have to wait for our help because we have others to take care of first! That would be as far away from “honoring them” as we could get! Of course, we drop everything to help them. We would do this for anyone in desperate need, so certainly we would do this for Mom and Pop! The issue I am trying to help us understand though is when parents try to intersect themselves into the marriage and parenting of our children and take control. It is actually not honoring to anyone when we allow this to happen.
Honor thy parents. So what exactly does “honor” mean? According to the dictionary, honor is to have high respect and great esteem. This means we have extraordinary admiration for our parents, brought about simply because they are our parents. Sadly too often, we give people value based on what they have done, or not done to us. Without excusing any type of abuse of course, the truth is every human being from Adam and Eve to the last ones who will be born into this fallen world, have been, and will be, imperfect. We will all “DO” wrong things that will cause harm to one another, in one way or other. I don’t mean to paint a morbid picture, but this is simply our reality this side of Heaven. The only parent that is perfect, and never does us harm, is our Holy Father. The more we understand this, the more we can choose to honor our parents because of “WHO” they are. God, in His Omniscient Wisdom, chose to use those two humans to bring us into this world, giving us life and the opportunity to know Him and live forevermore. What they have done, or not done, should not determine whether we choose to honor them or not. Remember, this is a command and it does not say, “Honor thy father and mother if they have been loving and encouraging and affirming and provided for all your needs and,” so on and so on! It does say, “Honor your father and your mother,so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Do you want a full life filled to the overflow with peace, joy and righteousness in the Holy Spirit? (Ro 14:17) Then choose to forgive any indiscretions, and follow God’s command to honor your parents!
Honoring our parents requires balance. Again, if we are still too dependent on our parents or if we completely ignore them after marriage, either one is not a way to show these precious humans our respect. It is actually MORE honoring when we keep them in the proper place in God’s Order, because it means we have learned from them, and are now able to move forward with the more central relationships of our lives. After all, one of the missions of parents is to raise children who can be strong and independent beings, while remaining fully dependent on God alone. Separating from the daily control of our parents and learning to lean on God to exert self-control instead, is a huge part of the Abundant Life. So we honor our parents when we show we can stand on our own two feet. Again, this doesn’t mean we don’t seek their wisdom based on their own experiences, but it does mean we must make, and be responsible for, our own choices, good or bad. While we hope to avoid as many as we can, mistakes are one of the ways we learn, but how can we if we are still giving total control of our decisions to our parents?
Never ignore thy parents. Call home, and call often. This is a lesson that God is still teaching me I am sad to say, but I am getting better at it the more I allow this beautiful command to penetrate my heart. Our parents just need to know we care. Our parents just need to know they have not been abandoned. Our parents just need to know we respect and esteem them. But then again, don’t we ALL need these? The more I choose to honor my Dad and Mom, the more I feel blessed, because we are blessed as we are a blessing. In addition to being obedient children of God, we cannot sow love without God giving us a harvest in return. Reaping a harvest of love and blessings? I want that! How about you? Then won’t you join me?
Until we meet again, keep lifting your eyes to God, He’s closer than you think.
<>< Peace, Diane
